


I don't remember you

by moni26



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Memories, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 19:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20935844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moni26/pseuds/moni26
Summary: A bunch of memories Alec has of Magnus.(I wrote this months ago, when I couldn't sleep.)





	I don't remember you

The first time Alec saw Magnus, they were in school. Magnus was staring at him. Alec told him it was rude and Magnus walked away.

The first time Magnus spoke to him, Alec had headphones in his ears. He didn't hear anything.

The first time Alec spoke to Magnus, he asked if he could show him where the biology classroom was. Magnus smiled weirdly but kindly, and offered to guide him and walk him to it, but Alec got a glimpse of his friends and decided not to bother him.

The first time they carried some conversation, it lasted for 30 minutes and it was about music. Alec was a little bored, but Magnus seemed enthusiastic.

The first time Magnus patted his shoulder, was before some math exam. His hand lingered there and it was unexpectedly familiar. 

The first time Alec didn't mistake Magnus's name for another, Magnus smiled so wide it made Alec blush.

The first time Magnus made Alec laugh, was when he told him he likes him more than he likes his cat. Part of it was nervous laughing, because Alec knew Magnus adored his cat. And Alec was just a classmate. Then Alec wondered how does he know Magnus adores his cat. Magnus had never told him that.

The first time Magnus and Alec played pool, Alec was not good at it. Alec had a feeling he should be better, but Magnus told him every skill needs practice, and he doesn't need to be perfect in everything for Magnus to like him. That was the first time Alec thought there was something more Magnus wasn't telling him.

The first time Magnus wrote him a song, Alec didn't understand the meaning. But he told Magnus he did and he loved it, because he didn't want to look stupid. He didn't know if Magnus believed him.

The first time they danced, Alec felt awkward. Magnus sensed that and offered for them to stop, but Alec refused out of stubbornness. They kept dancing until Alec proved to himself he wasn't afraid and he could feel comfortable with anything.

The first time Alec fell asleep beside Magnus, was because he was drunk. Or at least that was what he told Magnus the next day. Magnus didn't say anything back. That was the first time Alec lied to him. He never drinks alcohol.

The first time Alec told Magnus something about himself nobody knew, he was afraid Magnus would stop liking him. But Magnus told him that was impossible. Alec wanted to know why it was impossible.

The first time Alec ran away from Magnus, it wasn't out of fear. It was because Alec didn't know himself and he didn't know what he wanted.

The first time Magnus told him they've known each other for centuries, Alec didn't believe him. That was ridiculous.

The first time Magnus asked him what his feelings were, Alec changed the subject. That was the first time he started to think Magnus might like him too much.

The first time Alec let himself believe they really knew each other from before, it hurt him. Because none of this was the first time. Because Alec didn't know when and how the first time was like. He couldn't remember. It was unfair.

The first time Alec shouted at Magnus, Magnus remained too calm. It made Alec angrier.

The first time Alec realised he was hurting Magnus, was when he told him he might never remember. It was then, when Alec realised Magnus may appear calm in front of him, but he was often crying when he was alone.

The first time Magnus offered Alec to tell him about their story, Alec refused. Magnus never offered again. 

The first time Alec fell in love, was with a guy named Andrew. He told Magnus and Magnus said he was happy for him. That was when Alec decided he should stop hurting Magnus.

The first time Alec kissed Magnus, was for goodbye. Magnus asked him not to leave, but Alec believed Magnus would be better off without him. Alec asked if that kiss was as good as their first one, which he couldn't remember. Magnus said they were all magical.

The first time Alec felt he was missing Magnus, he ignored the feeling and got himself busy with studying and work. 

The first time Alec realised he shouldn't have left, was many years later. He called Magnus, but it wasn't Magnus who picked up. Magnus had changed his number.

The first time Alec went back to look for Magnus, he didn't find him. It was the first time he felt terrified he had lost him.

The **last** time Alec searched for Magnus, he realised he wanted to know their story. But Magnus was no longer there to tell it.

Now Alec was scared. He was scared it's happening again. He was scared he would forget all about Magnus again. He would forget these experiences too. So he wrote them down on this piece of paper. Because he didn't want to lose them too, not when he finally started to treasure them.

Alec wanted to know their full story, to write it down here as well, but Magnus was no longer there to tell it. So Alec started making things up, visualizing them in his head, imagining they were real. Anything so he could keep writing about Magnus and not forget he exists. Anything so he could keep writing about Magnus forever.


End file.
